Presence

Funny Picture of the Day

A Good Shabbos

Funny Video of the Day

This Just In: Jesus Held Hostage

Hilarious Video of the Day

Commercial for HD in Israel. Takes a while to load, but it's hilarious.

[Hat tip: RDE]

Funny Video of the Day

This is really just to test Hulu's embed feature. Enjoy.

Darwin was Rubbish

Turning Japanese

This pretty much clinches it; I'm moving to Japan.

Despite the fact that I don't understand a word they are saying, this show conveys the essence of "man-getting-hit-with-fast-moving-solid-object," which is hilarious in any language.

A Dangling Participle Grows in Brooklyn

The Shtus Blog posts a picture of a sign in Boro Park with one heck of a dangling participle:

Non-Parisians: shop elsewhere.

Funny Videos of the Day

Two cogent thoughts on religion from South Park. It's funny how these guys get it.

The Perfect Gift for your Little Achiever

Hilarious Story of the Day

If you're missing any small items of jewelry, check with Lanie, they might be in her son.

It's funny 'cuz no one got hurt. Except for whomever had to check for the rings. ;)

Seinfeld Video of the Day

When you gotta go...

In Minnesota, legislators are working on a bill that would require stores with employee-only bathrooms to allow people with Crohn's and colitis access to use their facilities in emergencies.

While this brings up a bevy of questions on just how involved government should be in business, that's not important right now. What I'd like to focus on is the cards the CCFA issues to help in communicating the urgency of their bowel emergency:

The card reads: "I CAN'T WAIT. THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. The bearer of this card has a special medical condition that requires him/her to use bathroom facilities urgently. Thank you for your cooperation.''

I liked this so much, I made one for myself. Feel free to print it out and put in your wallet!

Here's a link to download the card.

I don't think we should stop here. We need more than just access, we need guarunteed access! My fellow UC/Crohn's sufferers, we need to push for legislation for separate bathrooms set aside for us! The disabled have their own toilets, why not us (we certainly use the facilities more frequently)! Let us not rest (unless nature calls) until we have righted this injustice!

Awesome Video of the Day

Ghosts of Purims Past

Back in my YU days, I was quite the hacker (or thought I was). I had, at one point figured out (or thought I had figured out) how to mass email the entire undergraduate population (I was wrong). Around Purim time, my roommate and I (he's now a rebbe, so I'll refrain from identifying him to preserve his good name) cooked up the following prank email to send to the undergraduate email list. The email never made it out, as I turned out to be a pretty bad hacker, so I am enshrining this little bit of history here for the world to appreciate; if you were in YU between '96 and '98, some of this might be funny, if not, no one is making you read this blog anyhow.

To: Undergrad
Subject: Notice of impending changes in Stern student policy

Due to the extreme costs for the legal sercices in obtaining the 22 million dollars left to Stern College by the late Ms. Anne Schwiber, we are unable to continue to grant all the current services available to Stern students. We, therefore are forced to impose some minor changes on the student body. We hope that you understand, we hope you will comply accordingly, until we can return to providing normal services to you. Here is a list of the impending changes:

1) The mandatory meal plan for all dorm students will be increased from $1,300 a year to $1,500 a year.
2) The toll-free number for YU Safety and Security will not be available. Please use the local number, 340-7796.
3) There will be limited access to the Uptown Campus via van service. Each student will be limited to 2 rides per week.
4) There will no longer be a DAIRY menu provided in the cafeteria for dinner. We will continue to offer our MEAT menu.
5) Special meal themes (such as California Night and Pirate Night) will no longer be offered. However, we will still have Israeli Night on Yom HaAtzmaut.
6) Because of lack of sufficient dorm space, we will be rooming 5 students per room.
7) Bathrooms in rooms A,C, E, and G on each floor will be closed to save water. Students in these rooms should use the bathroom in one of their neighboring rooms.
8) Access to the elevator will be limited. Students below the eleventh (11) floor are asked to use the stairs.
9) Hot water will run only between 6:00-7:00 am, and 7:30-8:30 pm.
10) Due to high electric bills, all electricity in the dorms will be shut off at 12:15 am and re-connected at 9:00 am.
11) The Stern newspaper, The Observer, will now be issued in the mail boxes, one copy per student, each copy costing 75 cents. Proceeds will go to the School Safety Commission.
12) Any student caught wishing a happy Jewish holiday to any Security personnel will be fined 50 dollars, and will forfeit one ride on the van that week. Students will also be recommended for disciplinary action.
13) Students will rotate cleaning the hallways of the floors, and each floor will alternate cleaning the Main Lounge n the Lobby. Classes in operating the Carpet Steamer will be given the Friday before each assignment.
14) The Adopt-A-Bubbie club and BUDS will be disbanded.
15) There will be a limit to three (3) engagements per month. Request for engagement dancing must be filed ONE month in advance.

All these new guidelines will take effect on March 23, 1997. Thank you very much for your cooperation.

Yours Truly,
The YU Safety and Security Department

If there's anything worth appreciating about this, it's how we started off with minor changes that seemed to make sense and then escalated to really ridiculous things.

We'll Have a Gay Old Time

Lots of big news last week, not the least of which was Conservative Judaism's decision on homosexuality. I read through part of the responsum over Shabbos (Canonist has a link); I haven't had time to get all the way through, Josh has done a good job of summarizing it though.

One thing I did notice, the responsum concludes by quoting the following verse (Psalms 149:4-5):

כִּי-רוֹצֶה יְהוָה בְּעַמּוֹ; יְפָאֵר עֲנָוִים, בִּישׁוּעָה. יַעְלְזוּ חֲסִידִים בְּכָבוֹד; יְרַנְּנוּ, עַל-מִשְׁכְּבוֹתָם.

Obviously someone has a sense of humor. ;)

I'm Sleeping With the Lights On

Mary Poppins always scared the bejeezus out of me...

Isms

If you missed South Park's latest round of episodes on the Richard Dawkins/Atheist stuff, you're missing out.

I won't post the YouTube videos here, as they will likely get pulled down for copyright, but you can find them easily enough (the episode is called Go God Go!). I'll just leave you with one line which made me snarf my bottled water:

Cartman: Wait, isn't everybody at war over atheism?
Future Guy #1: Atheism? No, we've learned to get rid of all the -isms in our time.
Future Guy #2: Yes, long ago, we realized -isms are great for those who are rational, but in the hands of irrational people, -isms always lead to violence.
Cartman: So there is no war now in the future?
Future Talking Sea Otter: Of course there's war! The stupid French-Chinese think they have a right to Hawaii!

Your #1 Source for News and Information on Chasidic Studs

Thank God for the Internets. It enables us to learn so much about all types of people we would never have access to in normal life.

For example, check out Chasidic Stud, who describes himself as a "20 Year old Chassid who is muscular and very good looking." In his inaugural post, he writes:

...as I was growing up I noticed that I want to be different in my physical appearence without giving up my Chassidic beliefs, it was hard at first but after I succeded I knew that all the hard work was worth it, I also noticed that there are more out there like me and I am not the only one.Before I go into my body details I want to say that I am not Gay, I am a very happy married young man.

Of course, you're not gay...

Then there is Shmekidik, who I suspect might be the same person, starts off his blog with:

This blog is especcially geared to let all Chasidic people know that it is important to look good and smell good by dressing neatly bathing daily and using underarm deoderant every day...

It's like an accident on the highway...I want to look away, but I can't. [Hat tip: GH]

The Real Reason for Yarmulkes

I wouldn't have posted this, except for the part where the guy is running on the treadmill and his yarmulka is bobbing up and down. Otherwise, I generally hate these kinds of things. And I swear I don't spend all day on YouTube, people just send me these things, and they are so easy to post [Hat Tip: R. DE].

Attack The Jew!

A deleted scene from the Borat movie:

Someone should write an article or post detailing how Baron Cohen/Borat effectively uses faux-bigotry to disarm and expose the latent antisemitism that still thrives in the hearts and minds of much of the enlightened world.

That's My Boy!

A quick anecdote from Hershey Park; we're standing on line for our second run on the Tilt-A-Whirl (we is me, my two older kids, niece and nephew), and the kids are really excited. And by excited, I mean they are swinging and climbing on the railings to the point where I'm concerned that one of them will fall and get hurt. So I say, "Guys, stop climbing on the railings. Can't you just stand still?"

To which my son, Ezra, age 7, replies, in his very matter-of-fact and top-of-his-lungs voice: "Dad, we evolved from monkeys, so we love to climb!"

Now my immiediate concern was not, ironically, ascertaining where he had learned this (I'm assuming he read about it in a book), but if the Chassidishe family standing in line behind us had heard. Then again, I'm sure their opinion of the guy wearing shorts on Chol HaMoed was made up before his kid starting spouting off about evolution.

Funny Video of the Day

The Office is funny. Exhibit A:

"Oy, kill me with a knife."

This is hilarious (and a little bit sad):

Thanks to D. for the tip.

Hilarious Video of the Day

Nothing, but nothing, beats paintballs to the groin (from School for Scoundrels).

Jon Heder has really taken on some quality projects since Napoleon Dynamite.

"Plutonic" Relationships

One of my guilty pleasures, SemGirl, made a typo in a recent post that got me thinking:

As for Plutonic Relationships, obviously everyone has to know themselves, and what their real intentions are.

What, I wonder, specifically characterizes a Plutonic relationship? Is this where one party consistently kidnaps the other? Or perhaps any relationship that is formed through intense geological heat (see above)? Maybe it's when one party is far removed and distant from the other, following a non-traditional orbit around their partner. Or, perhaps (and this is my personal favorite), is it when one member of the relationship acts as an obedient, non-anthropomorphized pet to the other party?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Bam-Bam-Bwanna!

Just Jared is holding a Scrubs Season 3 DVD giveaway contest, just leave a comment with your favorite Scrubs moment.

I went with the inimitable Sanford and Son:

Also acceptable would have been Appletinis, or anything with The Todd.

Fun Time Video Hour

(hat tip Canonist).

And, Fainting Goats:

Awesome.

Mind the Gap

I would have paid money to be in this Gap commercial.

Things have been way too serious around here for a while, anyways.

Spam from Suha?

While looking for the latest news on Arafat's medical condition, I came across this email:

From Mrs Suha Arafat

Good Day

I know that this mail might be a surpriseing to you but do consider it as an emergency. In a nut shell, My name is Mrs Suha Arafat, soon-to-be widow of the late leader of the Palestinian people, now seeking assistance in the matter of the urgent transfer of $1 billion (ONE BILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS).

Please accept my sincere apologies. In bringing this message of goodwill to you. In order to transfer out (ONE BILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) from our bank here I have the courage to look for a reliable and honest person who will be capable for this important transaction, believing that you will never let me down either now or in future.

I discovered that if i do not remit this money out urgently, it will revert to associates of my husband who want to bury my husband alive.

I want to transfer this money into a safe foreign account abroad but i don't know any foreigner, except people who live in France, i am only contacting you as a foreigner because this money can not be approved to any local bank here in France, without it being taken by most untrustworthy persons.

I selected your name from the Chamber of Commerce (CHAMBER OF COMMERCE) directory. I prayed over it and selected your name amoung two names reported to me as someone who would never grab power from an ailing leader.

I can do business with,and by their recommendations I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple and sincere business. I want you to assist me in this transaction. My soon-to-be late husband does not want this money to go to France (FRANCE), he said they took enough already.

But my husband a beautiful flower, surrounded by weeds was poisoned to death or had AIDS (AIDS) or a mystery disease I do not know what I only know that $1 billion (ONE BILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) is not too much for me in my position as wife of the leader of the Palestinian people as it is a position that is difficult and entails much suffering.

Presently, I am saddled with the problem of securing a trust worthy foriegn personality to help me. I will map out 15% for you if you will Stand on my behalf as the beneficiary for the claim of the inheritance from the many many foreign accounts since the management of the bank adviced that the money was stolen by my husband and they will not release it to his poor widow (SOON TO BE) and I have suspicion they want to try it for themselves.

i need your co-operation to make this work fine, because the management is ready to approve this payment to any foreigner who has the correct information to this account, and living on $100,000 per month (ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) is painful to me greatly.

Conclusively I wish you send me a reply immediately you recieve this proposal.Email If you are interested, please reply immediately to my private email address and when you replying this mail kindly include your Telephone and Fax number for better communication. Or you can callme

Awaiting for your urgent reply.

Best Regards

Mrs Suha Arafat (MRS SUHA ARAFAT )

P.S. My late husband won the Nobel Peace prize in 1994.
[from Amy Ridenour's National Center Blog]

Spot on. Very funny!

That's Awesome!

I love this commercial. It's absolutely brilliant.

This guy looks like he delivered all three of my children. והמבין יבין

What's a Snood?

[via Chakira]

The Daily Show gives us the most comprehensive and insightful look at the sheitel controversy to date (if that link doesn't work, try this). Seriously, combined with the fast, I nearly passed out from laughing.

Incidentally, all the people featured in this clip live in and around South Florida.

Best line: "Resurrection from the Dead? No big deal." Extra points as the rabbi who said it is Lubavitch.

Wrong Number? I don't think so!

What happens when you get a new cell phone that just happens to have Chris Rock's old cell phone number? Hilarity ensues, with appearances by Adam Sandler, Spike Lee and Jack Nicholson (or at least his assistant). (via BuzzMachine)

'You can always tell when you get to our house'

Calvin and Hobbes Extreme Strip Search for 'snowman'.

Truly incredible. The amount of effort put into this site is unreal. And that's what makes it so amazing.

Some other good searches:

• 'tuna fish sandwich' (the first result listed here is Calvin and Hobbes strip #1)


• 'calvinball'


• 'sledding'


• 'toboggan'

And last, but most certainly not least:

'noodle incident'

Happy childhood memories, y'all. The tears are from laughing, I swear.

Scripture - Lego Style

[via Protocols]

The Brick Testament. Old and New, reenacted using Legos (what else?).

These guys don't pull any punches either. For example, see their take on Lev. 18:22 and Lev. 18:23. Viewer discretion, of course, is advisded.

There's lots of good stuff here. Ir HaNidachas is one of my favorites. And someone should call the ACLU; these guys are right up there with Mel Gibson. Good times.