Presence

Back in my YU days, I was quite the hacker (or thought I was). I had, at one point figured out (or thought I had figured out) how to mass email the entire undergraduate population (I was wrong). Around Purim time, my roommate and I (he's now a rebbe, so I'll refrain from identifying him to preserve his good name) cooked up the following prank email to send to the undergraduate email list. The email never made it out, as I turned out to be a pretty bad hacker, so I am enshrining this little bit of history here for the world to appreciate; if you were in YU between '96 and '98, some of this might be funny, if not, no one is making you read this blog anyhow.

To: Undergrad
Subject: Notice of impending changes in Stern student policy

Due to the extreme costs for the legal sercices in obtaining the 22 million dollars left to Stern College by the late Ms. Anne Schwiber, we are unable to continue to grant all the current services available to Stern students. We, therefore are forced to impose some minor changes on the student body. We hope that you understand, we hope you will comply accordingly, until we can return to providing normal services to you. Here is a list of the impending changes:

1) The mandatory meal plan for all dorm students will be increased from $1,300 a year to $1,500 a year.
2) The toll-free number for YU Safety and Security will not be available. Please use the local number, 340-7796.
3) There will be limited access to the Uptown Campus via van service. Each student will be limited to 2 rides per week.
4) There will no longer be a DAIRY menu provided in the cafeteria for dinner. We will continue to offer our MEAT menu.
5) Special meal themes (such as California Night and Pirate Night) will no longer be offered. However, we will still have Israeli Night on Yom HaAtzmaut.
6) Because of lack of sufficient dorm space, we will be rooming 5 students per room.
7) Bathrooms in rooms A,C, E, and G on each floor will be closed to save water. Students in these rooms should use the bathroom in one of their neighboring rooms.
8) Access to the elevator will be limited. Students below the eleventh (11) floor are asked to use the stairs.
9) Hot water will run only between 6:00-7:00 am, and 7:30-8:30 pm.
10) Due to high electric bills, all electricity in the dorms will be shut off at 12:15 am and re-connected at 9:00 am.
11) The Stern newspaper, The Observer, will now be issued in the mail boxes, one copy per student, each copy costing 75 cents. Proceeds will go to the School Safety Commission.
12) Any student caught wishing a happy Jewish holiday to any Security personnel will be fined 50 dollars, and will forfeit one ride on the van that week. Students will also be recommended for disciplinary action.
13) Students will rotate cleaning the hallways of the floors, and each floor will alternate cleaning the Main Lounge n the Lobby. Classes in operating the Carpet Steamer will be given the Friday before each assignment.
14) The Adopt-A-Bubbie club and BUDS will be disbanded.
15) There will be a limit to three (3) engagements per month. Request for engagement dancing must be filed ONE month in advance.

All these new guidelines will take effect on March 23, 1997. Thank you very much for your cooperation.

Yours Truly,
The YU Safety and Security Department

If there's anything worth appreciating about this, it's how we started off with minor changes that seemed to make sense and then escalated to really ridiculous things.