Presence

Various blogs mentioned that Mikey Butler passed away. Although I was not friends with Mikey, we were in YU at the same time; whenever his name is mentioned, I recall a specific experience I had with him that I will never forget.

YU had a series of colloquia called Dorm Talks, where Roshei Yeshiva and respected administrators would speak on assorted "real-life" topics. The topic of discussion for one particular session related to pre-marital testing for genetic diseases such as Taysachs and Cystic Fibrosis. R. Herschel Schachter was among the panelists.

I was engaged to Peninah at the time, and since neither of us had any history of genetic disease in our familes, and we had been dating for a while, we decided not to get genetic testing done. Whether this was an intelligent decision or not could be debated, but our feelings were that, even if we found out bad news, we would still want to get married.

When the subject came up in the discussion, R. Schachter advised that, should two individuals who are dating, even seriously, find out that they are high risk for genetic disease, then they should break off their engagement. I recall specifically what R. Schachter said: "You'll find someone else." This was not what I wanted to hear, as I we were a few short months away from getting married. Feelings of guilt and apprehension of the unkown filled my mind. Perhaps we should get testing done? No, I thought to myself, we've come too far to break it off now.

And then something happened that I will never forget. Mikey Butler, from the back of the room, stood up, raised his voice, and asked the question that I, and I'm assuming most people in the room, including myself, had not even considered, let alone contemplated, asking.

"How can you say that? Your saying that people like me can never get married!"

It's hard for me to describe this scene, to do it justice. At the front of the room, you had R. Herschel Schachter, the Rosh Kollel of Yeshiva University, preeminent student of R. Soloveitchik; one of the most highly regarded and respected (and rightfully so) rabbis in America. In the back of the room, standing up amidst the mass of students, you had Mikey Butler, a 19 year old with cystic fibrosis. R. Schachter had, in no uncertain terms, just told everyone in the room that Mikey should never get married. Mikey, who had to know that he would not live a normal life, could not accept this generalization.

I looked back to see R. Schachter's reaction. He had no answer for Mikey. He simply nodded his head, repeated again that he felt it best to break off the engagement, and the discussion moved on. Mikey's point, whether it had been intentional or emotional, had been made.

When I was in yeshiva, learning Torah and studying, it was easy to forget that there is a real world out there where people, even children, die young. It was easy for me to hear a statement that if a couple has a genetic conflict they shouldn't get married, and think of that in terms of my own situation, rather than in terms of the broader implications of what it meant for people like Mikey. It's easy to reduce someone's pain and suffering to a page in the Shulchan Aruch. That's impossible, however, when that person stands up in front of you.

I would like to wish the family comfort on their loss. Mikey truly was an incredible individual.